Perfectionism

Perfectionists often have impossibly stringent rules around their own performance. And, of course it's no coincidence that a lot of high achieving people have this "perfectionist cognitive habit." This makes sense because their perfectionism is driving their achievement orientation and so it's no surprise when they outperform their peers. However, their level of achievement, no matter what it is - and I will tell you this is true for CEOs, professional athletes, and regular people alike - never brings them peace of mind. I would even venture to say that these are the most stressed people by comparison. And so when I observe in session that they have impossibly high, even unachievable standards for themselves they eventually agree. They recognize that; that's not the issue. I usually follow up by asking them who else in their lives they have these kinds of expectations for to which they often say, you guessed it: nobody. I ask them why they have these standards for themselves and only themselves and this is usually where they get stuck. "I don't know."

There are many reasons why people develop this "perfectionist cognitive habit" and I can only usually guess why unless we dig into it. What I can tell you, confidently, is that you cannot develop a singular, rigid standard exclusively for yourself unless you are profoundly disconnected from your own needs. That is a habit as well, a practice even. It follows that you are, also, unaware to, at least some degree, of the underlying rationale that's driving your self flagellation. Because unfortunately perfectionism isn't actually "look at how I've done a better job than everyone else" but more like "I ran myself into the ground and it's still not good enough."

Can you relate to this experience?