What talking is for

This has been heavy on my mind because, this week alone, I've heard multiple people say some version of "what is the value of talking about it if it's not gonna solve the problem?" Here's my take.

Talking is not just opening the gate and the tigers come out. It's giving name, shape and meaning to the zoo inside.

You can only be known to the degree you're able to express who you are. People are not mind readers. They may have an assessment of you but it's on you to calibrate.

You will only get clarity about what's really going on with the precision with which and the vocabulary that you have at your disposal. If you don't have a habit of trying to name, describe and illustrate complicated dynamics you will not refine this skill; in any arena. This is a practice not just talent.

Everything that is an open loop in your cognition such as unexpressed but prominent needs, unprocessed emotions, anxiety you can't locate a source for takes up space in your working memory. It reduces your ability to solve new problems, be creative, be vigilant to a changing context. Any open loop will persist. Talking about it will close those loops even if you don't always have a solution as part of that.

You will never know the degree to which someone can help you or be a resource to you if you never articulate what you're wrestling with. You'd be surprised about the diversity of people's insight and experience but you have to be brave enough to test it.

All this to say that not expressing how you're feeling, what you're thinking, may seem like a resource conservation strategy. However, biologically, what it's doing is reducing your flexibility, your ability to adapt and burying the processes, costing you this energy, in the subconscious.

I'm not asking you to change your whole personality but at least experiment with a different approach and see where it takes you.

Share something substantial today.